LDR Advice

Going to sleep angry with your partner: When stress and impatience lead to fights before bed

Have you and your partner ever gotten off the phone angry with each other right before your head hit the pillow? Do you fight about what probably wouldn’t have been an issue at all if you two were together? Long-distance relationships can strain the relationship you have with your partner, leading to anger, frustration and fighting over the phone.

And what is most often the cause of all the added tension and shortened tempers?

Most likely, you’re fighting with your partner because you’re frustrated that you can’t be close to him, kiss him or even hold his hand.

Being separated from your partner after spending every day with him prior to your long-distance relationship can be your own personal nightmare.

Feeling frustrated that you and your partner can’t be together can lead you to take your frustrations out on the one person who you know will take it and will be there for you even through your temper, your partner.

In order to have a conversation that doesn’t involve anger and fighting, you must remember to be patient. Your partner is feeling the same way. He’s feeling the exact same stress of not being with you as you are.

If you feel your anger level starting to rise, don’t attack! Take a deep breath, count to five and ask yourself why you’re really angry.

Would you be angry if you and your partner were having the conversation in person?

Are you getting angry over something that’s worth being angry over or are you looking for a reason to vent your frustrations?

A sweet conversation can turn sour in an instant if you allow the stress of being apart to take you over, causing you to lash out at your partner during your conversation.

 Don’t hang up!

One of the worst things you can do is go to sleep angry at your partner.

Have you ever lost your patience and simply couldn’t spend another minute one the phone with your partner? Does every word he says make you more furious?

If you ever reach this anger extreme, getting off the phone might do both of you some good by giving you time to cool off and reassess why it was you were angry.

Don’t ever hang up on your partner.

Hanging up is a symbol of disrespect and defiance. You’re angry so you might not care whether it’s disrespectful to hang up on your partner, but you do know that you still love your partner and that you would never treat him with disrespect normally.

At the very least, remember the Golden Rule:

“Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.”

Meaning, if your partner hung up on you, would you be OK with it? The answer is most likely no.

Therefore, explain to your partner that you are too angry to continue the conversation and would like to get off the phone to cool off and think things over.

Once you have some quiet time to assess why you were angry and whether you were right to be angry, call your partner back and explain to him what caused your anger.

Many times, you will find that your anger had nothing to do with your partner at all. Perhaps you are stressed about your upcoming final or maybe you just had a bad day.

Either way, fighting with your partner won’t add to the amount of time you’ve studied for your final or it definitely won’t make your bad day better.

Rather than getting angry with your partner, tell him about your worries so that he can help you or at least be a good listener.

No one can really prepare for a phone relationship. As long as you’re patient, understanding and realize that the distance is only temporary, you and your partner can have a strong long-distance relationship.

Always remember that you’re not the only one dealing with the distance, you’re partner is too.